Hi. I’m in a little bit of a foul mood because I came home after working at the barn today to YET AGAIN my house being a pig sty. So, to combat said mood, I’m going to rant for a hot second and then later on tonight commence with the happy, intriguing stuff that you guys so enjoy.
Here we go.
I have a bone to pick with you slothy slobs of the world. What the hell is your problem? Do you think that magical fairies and sprites come out every night to clean up after you? Or that your tornado/hurricane/monsoon combo of a mess will instantly disappear and apparate to the dump simply because you will it to be done? If that is the case… then I’m sorry but you must be retarded, and I highly encourage you to check into an institution. At least there people will clean up after the chaos you leave behind. Hell, they’ll even wipe your ass for you if you so desire. But seriously. What chromosomes are you missing that you are incapable of being tidy? It’s something I really just can’t fathom. If you dirty something, clean it. If you break something, fix it. And if you mess up my orderly way of life put it back the way you found it. It is not rocket science to pick up after yourself, I mean we learn this during our toddler years. If you can put your toys away at the age of three, you should be damn capable of eradicating your muddled garbage. If not, then I believe there should be repercussions.
For instance: if you leave your hair in the drain of the shower and do not dispose of it, I then have the right to duct tape this hair to your pillow so you see how nasty it is. HA. Or, if you do not clean your dishes after they have been sitting in the sink for at least a day, you relinquish the right to use cutlery and other eating utensils, and must therefore eat with your hands off of the floor; or all of your dirty dishes/pots/pans will magically find their way to your bedroom upside down on your bed. Too bad you forgot to clean out that soup bowl, bitch. Looks like you’re sleeping with noodles tonight.
I am totally aware that I sound harsh and nasty right here, but it pisses me off beyond believe when things are gross and dirty in the house where I spend the majority of my time. Especially if said untidiness is not mine. I work with horses, and they are cleaner than the people I live with right now (thankfully my roommates don’t care enough to read this, and if they happen to stumble upon it by chance,clean up gosh darnit, stop being so damn vile). I mean, come on, I make everything neat promptly after I make a mess. What makes other people believe they are so privileged that they don’t have to do the same? News flash: you aren’t that special, and if you really think that, then you and my PHX-800 can have a little tête-à-tête.
Okay, I’m done! I feel better, nothing like a good rant to clear the pipes. By the way, the PHX-800 is my 7.8 million volt mini stun gun, and it is a scary little mofo. No one has been daring enough to let me try it out on them yet, mostly because it can completely (temporarily) paralyze someone if you hold it on them for more than 25 seconds. Haha, yeah… don’t mess. View the below video to witness the fury firsthand.
Well, I’m going to go start reading the 839 pages I have to have read by the end of the week. Yes, I am aware that is a lot of reading material, I’m not amused. That’s probably not all of it, either. Yay for English and European Studies majors!